sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
