You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
