I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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