So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
40s are totally the cure
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
