In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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