I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
