i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
