Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
