our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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