I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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