i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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