um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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