office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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