Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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