so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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