I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
