She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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