No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
