your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
