Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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