I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
