Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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