john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
