I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
