You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
