So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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