just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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