can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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