i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
