Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
