Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize