id be glad to
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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