Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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