TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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