I was born with a shot glass in my hand
In America we eat man semen.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
