i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
