The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
