ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
