from now on my penis is your penis
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
