I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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