is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
