I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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