i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im holly from the hills drunk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
