sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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