alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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