I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
