Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
