I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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