Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
