The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize