I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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