Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
