So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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