you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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