It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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