Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
