I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
