Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
