i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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