after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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