my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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