I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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