just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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