i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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