Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
