the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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