After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
