remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize