can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
