i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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